What Did You Say?
My husband’s nickname for me is “pw,” short for “patwright.” I’m Pat, and my maiden name was Wright. I told you that to tell you this. We once had a conversation that went something along the lines of the following:
Husband: Hey, pw, would you please hand me that pin?
Me (pw): Hang on while I go find a pin for you. It’ll take a couple of minutes.
Husband: No, there’s a pin right there on the table next to you.
Me (looking over the tabletop): No, I don’t see a pin. I’ll be right back. Do you really need just one?
Husband: No, really, there’s one right there already. Move your hand a little to the right, and you’ll touch it.
Me (confused but moving my hand to the right): All I see here is a pen.
Husband: That’s it—that’s the pen. Please hand it to me.
Me: That’s a pen, not a pin.
Husband: That’s what I said; please hand me the pin.
Me: No, pen and pin are two different words. You said pin, not pen.
That was the beginning of a “discussion” that’s gone on for years, but it illustrates the difficulty of communication, even among people who know each other well and who do want to communicate clearly with one another. Why is it so hard to communicate clearly? It surely is. But why?
I can think of several reasons that lend themselves to miscommunication. Let’s take a look at a few of them.
- The same words mean different things to different people. This crops up sometimes when an English word has an close analog in another language, but the word in the other language has a different meaning. In English we call our paternal parent “Papa.” Spanish uses the same word for the same parent, but add an “s” and you get “papas,” which means “potatoes.”
- We also use different words for the same items. My example of “pen” and “pin” shows how this can happen. That’s a matter of pronunciation. One that’s not a matter of pronunciation is “soda” and “pop.” Different parts of the country use the word “soda” and others “pop” for a carbonated beverage—same drink but different words. Woe to the one who uses the wrong word in the wrong part of the country!
- Words can carry emotional baggage—oh, can they ever! I don’t mind having someone say to me, “It would help me a lot if you could _________ (fill in the blank).” My hackles rise, though, to hear, “You have to __________ (fill in the blank).”
What can we do to improve our communication?
- Listen carefully to be sure that what you’re hearing is what the speaker intended to communicate.
- Ask questions. If it appears that there’s some kind of miscommunication, stop and ask questions until you get agreement and understanding.
- Take your time and don’t rush through communications and conversations.
By the way, Husband and pw still get tripped up over “pen” and “pin” from time to time.
Questions for you: When have you experienced miscommunication? How did you feel about it? What did you do about it? What can you do about it?